The other day I was listening to a guy talking about energies and how we’re all responsible for our own energy and whatever we’re feeling. He was saying that there’s no need to protect ourselves from anything coming from outside, it can’t harm us. We create what we carry. I’ve been thinking about this a lot the last couple of days. I couldn’t wrap my head around it due to the fact that I believe that we have the ability to pick up the energy of someone or a place and that can be uncomfortable sometimes. No need to protect yourself from it but you are able to detect it if you are a highly sensitive person.
A few days ago someone came at me with a lot of anger, directed towards me (or whatever illusion of me and how I’ve wronged them they had). This anger and resentment was a bit funny to watch. I could clearly see that it was anger due to the persons inability to form an argument that made any sense. It was emotional, repetitive and egocentric. At first I tried to explain myself. I thought that maybe if she could see my motives for doing such and such she could have an understanding of the situation from both ends and not be so angry. She didn’t see it, the explanation blew right past her - so I gave up and tapped out to let it breathe.
At first I got angry but underneath that anger my ego was hurt, as if her opinion made up my persona. My ego grieved these wrong accusations, felt sorry for itself and needed some time to lick the wounds. My mind was chattery. The monkey mind was full on debating, contemplating and playing up scenarios in my head. My meditation practice was mainly tapping out of that and bringing my focus to my breath, which lasted a couple of seconds until my attention got drawn in by the strong pull of my thoughts.
Why was the pull so strong? The emotions that my thoughts created were heavy, chaotic and unsettling. I was carrying it, holding on to it and my body was paying for it. It got me thinking and reflecting on what I was really doing and why. I was believing and identifying myself with the part the ego was playing and therefore also my thoughts, confusing it for being me. It took me back to that guy and his words and I could connect the dots. There was no need to create the same emotion to match hers. I could simply see her ego playing out her storyline, feel her anger and frustration and let it go without identifying with it or judge it.
Whatever comes to you and stir things up is a lesson and an opportunity for you to detach from your own attachments and ideas about yourself. The situation keeps on repeating itself until you notice it and learn. You can call it karmic lessons that requires inner work. Reflecting on this I could see my egos play clearly. The suffering me was feeling so wrongly treated and was so sorry for herself. If you ever catch yourself like this it’s a hilarious moment. When you unidentify with the ego the thoughts loses their powers. The veil drops and you have a clear sight and no longer bound by the illusion and the story you’ve created.
The non attachment to my ego made my thoughts quiet down and the feelings dissolve. I could no longer feel the restlessness and tension in my body. I could relax and rest in my own being with ease. This tasted like freedom. Now I had space for both compassion and love. The moment you stop identifying yourself with the play you’ll see the distance between it and you. How can you be that if it’s so far from your true essence? The lesson I learned is that no one can make you feel anything. You can’t be touched. You can pick up on a lot of emotions and energies but whatever stays with you is something you hold on to, judge or identify with - let that always be love.