How compassionate are you towards yourself? How well do you listen to your heart and it’s longings - the deepest needs that are calling for your attention and care. How good are you at giving yourself the essential ingredients to maintain a healthy living. Do you put others needs before you own. Coming back from a vacation I thought was going to be wonderful ended up with a lot of teachings. Most of the teachings was directed towards me and how well I’m able to protect my heart. Many times we confuse protection with putting up walls and defending ourselves. But in this particular situation I got a chance to reflect on how well I could protect my space. That happy place where the sun always shines. That cozy corner that I love to spend time in and go to to be able to see the beauty in all there is. Where the seeing eye is always bright, light and playful.
How much do you swallow before busting at the seams and how compassionate are you in the realization of doing just that; busting at the seams. Can you, without telling yourself that you didn’t stand your ground, have compassion for trying with good intentions. I learned that my intuition is clear. It gives me direction, if I choose to listen to it of course. This time I didn’t. I let my mind deliberate and I stayed a few days to long, with my good intentions in mind. Doing so I put myself in a situation where others needs had to be met and I needed to be understanding, patient and bending backwards to the extent of not having my best interest at heart. But at the same time a few questions arose. How often do we do just that, compromise to the point of putting our own best interest aside. How well does that work out, if it even works at all.
To be able to be at service, I believe, one must first tend to their own needs. We need to set our boundaries and communicate them loud and clear. We need to tend to our own hearts to be able to show up whole heartedly. We need to show ourselves compassion when catching ourselves getting hurt. It comes with teachings of how we can change our behaviour patterns to not lose ourselves in our good intentions. It can sound contradictory; that too much good doings can equal something negative but as we all know too much of anything loses its taste. Without sounding too selfish we need to fill our cups and tend to them as we go along. That is our responsibility, not someone else’s. We are responsible for our own happiness and that brings me back to what I promised myself I’d never compromise again.
I forgive myself for not protecting my space this time around. I'm going to treat this experience with love and compassion. I’m going to love myself and let the past go but not without grabbing the treasures that came with it. One of them being that I still want to be a loving, compassionate person, having others best interest at heart but always, always, always first my own. For I need to be at peace to be able to bring it with me wherever I go. Another epiphany is my intuition never failing to guide me. It was loud and clear. I don’t always listen to it but if I stick around long enough I get the teachings and also a deeper understanding of how it works. It is a beautiful companion and I think I’m done with challenging it’s intelligence - it knows without me being able to understand at that exact moment.
For this experience I can only say;